I hate thinking about the past. It always just seems to bring me down. The Butterfly Effect is a really good movie, but it made me think about how sad I used to be growing up. How I always felt like I didn't matter to anyone. That all I ever seemed to do was hurt everyone around me. I used to go through school feeling like a ghost, with no friends, no one to talk to, no one to care about me. It seemed like I had no effect on anyone around me. I felt that it wouldn't have mattered to anyone if I wasn't there. I used to think that everyone would have been a better person if I wasn't born. Growing up, I'd think that I was the reason my parents were always fighting about. I would say something, and my parents would go off on each other. I would think how happy they could have been if I wasn't there. I always seemed to screw things up as well. I felt I made everyone's life harder somehow, just by being there. I didn't care about myself at all. In fact, I hated myself. I convinced myself that if I wasn't born, everyone's life would be a whole lot better. I'm surprised I made it through high school. I never expected my life to last that long. I expected to be dead before I was 17. I don't know how I made it through. Thinking back now, I don't know how I lost that feeling, or when. I just seemed to forget about it. I put it out of my mind somehow. But, I'm so glad that I did make it. I'm so happy to be alive. I've never felt so alive as I do right now. I'm in love with a girl, and she's in love with me. I don't think I could ask for anything more. I'd feel selfish if I did. I don't think I should have written this on here. I hope you people don't think of me any different. I dunno, I think I should've just kept this in my head. I needed to put it down somewhere though. I dunno, maybe you all should just disregard this one. Just forget that you read it. I'm done with this crazy talk. I need to get packed and such for my trip to Harrisburg. I get to see my love. What could be better? Oh, and try not to ask me about this post, cause I'll be too embarrassed to talk about it, k? Alright, I'm off. bye.